The cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.
What I Want To Be.
I’ll tell you what I don’t want to be. Chinese. Yeap, that’s right. I don’t want to be Chinese.
So many people say what they feel, and that’s all gravy, but at some point there needs to be a light bulb moment where someone thinks, “OH, maybe I should stop making comments about other people’s lives based on my own preconceptions because maybe, just maybe what I see on the outside is mildly superficial and not at all accurate, anyhow.” They need that exact light bulb moment, and if you haven’t had it yet, you’re welcome.
I speak Chinese. I write it. I read it. I micro-blog with it. I micro-message with it. I use technology coming from Chinese developers and look at super cute things I can buy from China. But most of all, I COMMUNICATE with it. China is where my heart is for my life in the future and I intend to lead a lifestyle that reflects my never-ending effort to live there successfully. I am perfectly content being my brown self with the crooked smile, gapped teeth, and naturally nappy hair. In fact, I’ve never been more confident to be myself than in the past. It’s an astounding accomplishment that after three and a half short years, I can at least almost seamlessly converse with people in a language unlike my own. It’s a prize. It’s the 40,000 tickets worth of giant plush animals and I keep it proudly.
So when I’m asked in the future if I wish I was something other than who I am today, I’m not just going to say no. I’m going to ask if they’ve eaten at McDonald’s more than twice in a week and ask if they would like to be Ronald McDonald. I’m sure they’ll understand the absurdity of what they’ve asked and maybe, just maybe, they’ll be inclined to understand the difference between passion and obsession.
Someone in this household stole a whole four pints of my milk.
I was going to use that milk to make cheese.
Someone has come between me and my cheesemaking.
This will not end well for them.
Not going to lie, this made me feel a little better about my day.
So I did this today. Sorry if some of them are a bit hard to read! Let me know if you would like to know one of the little yellows! Broken lines mean a weak relationship!
Where I Seem to Be…
Wellllllllll since I haven’t really said too much about myself in a long while, I guess I’ll start with how I feel in a less formal way. It’s been a really weird start to the fall semester and I find myself a bit overwhelmed with how fast time seems to be flying. For the most part I have been keeping myself caught up with schoolwork and any type of house cleaning and I feel like every thing should feel normal, or be normal, rather. But it doesn’t. And I’m starting to figure out why.
Sometimes you don’t want to be alone, or feel that way in the least, and I’ve been standing in this dim sort of spotlight on the side. Really, that’s not the case, the spotlight is big and bright and I’ve got friends on my side. But it takes being really high to see how far you’ve climbed and I’ve definitely realized that I’ve got people behind me.
So the reason why things don’t feel as normal as they usually do is because of this boy in my life. I don’t see life things, as an energetic 21-year-old, maybe should. I enjoy laughing at Vines and watching Rio over and over again, back-to-back, talking to myself sometimes in order to word however I should tell someone something, I love Chinese people, I care about people who definitely don’t care about me, I leave some people behind, but I still hold a place in my heart for them, I collect phone cases instead of Pinterest-qualified cutesy collectibles, and I definitely love Adventure Time. I’m positive this wonderful boy, who has been in my life for quite some time now, is driven a little (or a lot) crazy from time to time, but I think I find myself much more fond of him, than he is of me. Or maybe I’m just a little clingy. It’s hopeless to discuss the difference, and I won’t.
So I know I can’t be with him every single minute of the day, and quite frankly, I don’t want to be, but there’s something about lying in his arms that makes me feel like life isn’t going by too fast, and people aren’t always so bad, there’s nothing wrong with feeling a little sad and you can’t please everybody because eventually someone’s going to get mad. But when I’m not near him, when I have to make lunch for one or watch Rio for the 147th time by myself, I am a lot of lonely. But I accept that lonely feeling because it makes the (insert cliché about time with a significant other here). I just want to know what I’m feeling is reciprocated, and that I’m not out of my mind. It’s okay to be crazy, I don’t have any limits on that. I do however, need a lot mental stimulation to feel that we’re “clicking” on some sort of level so it’s okay to want to talk about anything and everything. I love emotions. Embrace emotions. They’re so bold and brave, but they’re also fragile things, and that’s what makes them special. In the end, though, regardless of how much I do or say or act like, I just want to feel normal.
My childhood struggle. My grandmom didn’t give one single solitary fuck about the whiplash she was giving me. And when she tried to comb through…don’t even get me started. Let’s just say, I cried REAL THUG tears.
^^that, plus many combs broken
Broken combs, tears, migraine headaches, almost missing the bus doing this shit in the morning… LORD!
Dont forget getting popped with the brush or comb because of moving !!
don’t forget about having to slap your scalp because your braids were too goddamn tight to scratch
the struggle is so real…smh Do we even want to talk about neck/side of the head burns from the hot comb?
Because this was all of my childhood.
And this is what Rain looks like in Korea
This reblog is toooooo funny.
Beginning a School Year: Senior Edition
Well, first I won’t write too much because I decided to get acrylic nails for the fun of it and typing is rather cumbersome.
So this school year has been off to a pretty good start. I mean, sure I still do not have the book I ordered a week ago, despite having paid for express shipping, and I definitely have not cleaned the kitchen in a while which is starting to freak me out, nor are all of my clothes washed/put away/clean, but I am going to be perfectly okay with everything because this is my senior year and I can do what I want, you know.
Moving into a house was by far the best way to start August. I have a bathroom connected to my bedroom, my dog can run around in our yard (because we lived in an apartment on the third floor before), there is a garage (mainly for storage at the moment), and I don’t/won’t ever need to walk up three flights of stairs with groceries. AW YEAH LAZY YEAH.
I live with one of my favorite little Chinese girls, Xu Jingwen and my previous roommate, and we all get along pretty well. I am kind of the bridge between the two, although I think Xu’s English is much better than most international students’, because she can really understand me when I speak as quickly as I normally do. She also has a certain level of intuition that it takes other Chinese students years to learn. She is pretty awesome.
Last, but not least, I am not entirely blasé about my courses this semester, and I would say that is an accomplishment. Because you know… classes… and stuff… are cool… and stuff… So here’s to the next sixteen or so weeks filled with a lot of Chinese stuffs, food stuffs, and love stuffs.
Stuffs is a weird word.